seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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