i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
