Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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