My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
