i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
NoShamevember. You game?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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