just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
