she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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