How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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