I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
