I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
