I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize