I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
