I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
