Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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