We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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