pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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