I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
