mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my phone needs a breathalizer
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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