I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
