New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
