Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
