in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
