Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
