I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
