K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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