In the future we'll all be gay
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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