I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
