My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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