EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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