oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my sisters under your porch take her home
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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