So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
