I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
