OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
