i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
