there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
