Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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