grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
