You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
