Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
