I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
