I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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