you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
