FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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