I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
