Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
