new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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