the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
