Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
whose parrot is this?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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