I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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