3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
