at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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