your thong is hanging out like whoa
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
