Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
