a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
