Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
