Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
