We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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