This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
