Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
