I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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