Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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