I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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