My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
