I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
