If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
