Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
