I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
