it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
