I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
