I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
