Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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