i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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