so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
