I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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