it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
