i would punch a child for taco bell
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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