im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
