I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Panties = found
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