Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
