im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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